I just want to scream! Dealing with stubborn behavior and tantrums is never fun.
If you are a parent, you have had one (or many) of those moments when you just want to sit on the floor and scream. Maybe because you are being screamed at by a preschooler, your child is having a tantrum, or you have been up half the night and now your sweet baby girl has been crying for an hour or five hours!
Reasoning with the little people in your life is often times hard (heck, reasoning with grown people is not always easy!)
With infants and toddlers, there is a lack of verbal communication. With older children, they cannot always express their thoughts and feelings.
You feel alone and like everything you do makes things worse. I have a very hard time letting things go and not overreacting (very hard time). The biggest thing to remember is, they learn from you…they learn everything from you at this age. How you react is very important. I am learning this the hard way, as I try to correct my behaviors with my second child. I am not and was not a horrible parent, but I did react to all the little things with my older son.
Here are a few tips I have been using to help me deal with these situations.
Take a deep breath
Stop talking, arguing, battling and BREATH. Take some deep breaths to give yourself a chance to think and not react.
Take a step back
If you can, get away from the situation. Walk to another room, but always tell the child you just need a minute to think, BEFORE you leave. If you are dealing with a very young child, put them somewhere safe (crib or playpen), and get out of the room. Let them cry or scream for a few minutes so you can collect yourself
Because this is what we do. As parents we want to have happy kids, we want to stay calm and “fix” things
Understand that this step may not change things. Depending on what the conflict is about, you may just want to avoid talking about it for a bit. I have found with my older child (12 yrs), that he needs time to process his emotions and feelings as well. So trying to go back to the original question, or request does not always work. If the reaction remains the same. Go to the next step.
Try something else
I know, this sounds silly and probably obvious, but bare in mind, sometimes we, as the adults, have to get something done & be somewhere. Like getting the toddler to go potty and get dressed, so you can get out the door for the appointment that you are now late for!
Trying something else in your routine seems like it will just take longer, but diverting a child’s attention for a minute or two will often make them forget why they were fighting you to begin with. You will move past the frustration quicker and move on. I find diverting attention away is my best method of moving past the tantrum.
Here’s what I mean:
- If my son is upset because he just does not want to do something, or really wants something I have taken away (electronics, for example), I simply get another toy or a book and distract him. It doesn’t always work right away, the key is to not give in and to not lose my cool. It may be as simple as asking a question to change their train of thought. Whatever works to get their mind past why they are upset.
The main thing to remember through these parenting experiences is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We all have those moments we want to just scream. If it is happening with your children, you can be certain others are dealing with it as well.
We all feel somewhat alone, judged and preached at during our parenting experiences. I hope by sharing my experiences and methods, it will
Happy Parenting! Always remember to just BREATH.