Are you Connecting?
5 simple ways to connect with your spouse!
It’s All About Connection – With Your Spouse
By the time the children go to bed at night, I am done.
I often ask myself, did I look at my husband today? Or ask him a direct question and wait for the answer? Did we only communicate by text and a few mumbles around the kids squealing and running out the door for work or driving someone to an activity.
Our relationship seems to be the last thing we think to work on, but it is probably the most important one we should pay attention to.
Children are important, and I have shared some steps about connecting with our children as well. But have you ever wondered about the disconnect between you and your partner?
I do all the time.
Honestly, that is when I think about how we should have a date night once a month or go for a walk after supper…but then the excuses creep in.
Is it okay to leave the youngest alone with his big brother in the evening, is it fair to our 13 year old (I am talking a couple times a month here, not everyday)? What about all the other family activities we “should” be doing if we have any time? Or, where will I find the energy to go out after chasing a 3 yr old all day and running to activities all week? But it’s important, and thinking about ourselves is often the last thing we, as adults and parents, do.
Spouses need to talk to each other face to face, hold hands, steal a peck on the cheek, whatever, just connect on an everyday level. I feel like we put so much value on our relationship with our children and so little on our partners in this journey of life. Again, children are very important, but to hold our family together, we need to have a friend in our partner, a confidant, someone we enjoy spending time with and parenting alongside. All too often we get lost in the whirlwind of life and forget to connect with the other adult in our family unit.
Today, I have made the decision that it is better to have some child free time together every now and then. Better for us, better for our children, making our relationship stronger makes our family stronger. So here are 5 simple ways I hope to strengthen the bond we have as a couple.
Work on a project together
Maybe a home improvement project, or something in the community. Something away from electronics and that we have to do together, talking and figuring it all out. Right now we have home type projects needing to be done. So shopping together, planning and executing together, that is the plan. In the community I would love to volunteer somewhere together. We will have to find something we both will enjoy and feel good doing.
This may seem trivial, but I don’t remember the last time I held hands in public. We hold our 3 yr olds hands all the time, on either side of him, but it’s been a while since i grabbed my husband’s hand.
Leave the Phone/Tablet/etc out of the bedroom
Okay, I can’t be alone on this one. I usually play a game before I fall asleep (which likely makes it harder for me to sleep). Every night my phone sits on the bedside table to charge. It will now be charging in the kitchen, and I will talk to my husband in the evening instead of starring at a screen. Even if I am headed to bed earlier, reading a book is replacing the constant gadget checking.
Looking at each other, listening to each other and being responsive. There is nothing worse than trying to talk to someone knowing they are not listening. I will make a conscious effort to connect through responsive conversations, and eye contact. Even if I am taking while getting ready in the morning, a simple acknowledgement or response in the course of the conversation will help us feel that we are being heard.
Get away from the kids!
Taking an evening for a date or even an hour to go for a walk or get groceries will give us a chance to talk. If we have no option to “get away” then make a plan to do something after the kids go to bed. Sit on the deck and have a drink, play a board game, watch a movie together, anything that is just my husband and I for at least 30 minutes.
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