80lb Journey - Over the Years & Turning Point
At 41 and 5'10" tall, I weigh just under 250lbs. Over the past 20 years I have been 155lbs (when I got married), and gained 20lbs gradually for a couple years, hovering most of my pre baby years around 170-175lbs. I felt great and had very few body image issues at that time.
Along came baby #1, I blossomed up to 255lbs, the weight I was at my last dr. appt before delivery. Within 6 months I was back down to 195lbs, which I was very happy with. That was my hover point for a year or so, then those dreaded numbers started going up again.
I lost and gained between 15 to 20 lbs over and over in the years between 2003 and 2011. In 2011 we started doing Tae Kwon Do as a family. In 3 months I lost 40 lbs and was feeling much better. Being below 200 lbs consistently for another 3-4 months. Then a shock and very welcome news, just after my 37th birthday, I found out I was pregnant again.
I stopped Tae Kwon Do and started waiting....we didn't tell our oldest boy until after our first ultrasound. We had had miscarriages before and "tried" for a second child for so many years we had given up. I was afraid to do anything that might cause me to fall or get bumped. I should have kept going and getting the workouts, skipping the sparring, but hindsight is 20/20.
As you can imagine, I gained weight, and in Dec 2012, delivered a healthy almost 9lb baby boy. I was up to 239lb at my last appt before delivery, and I was okay with that. Again, I lost weight fairly fast, getting down to 212lbs by the summer.
That was the lowest I reached. My mindset has not been on weight loss for the past few years, and I was comfortable in my skin. That is until this past winter. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was depressed and had social anxieties.
I would do what I had to in order to get through the day and then eat in the evenings. Candy, chips, pop, cheese, a handful of chocolate chips, anything really. I would watch movies or shows, and eat. I still fall into this slump now, but I am choosing more and more not to eat. The movement part is a little harder to convince myself of, even though I know it will make me feel much better....baby steps here, right?
So, the realization hit, I was depressed, simply not happy, and for no real reason, I love my family, my life in general, I was just sad. Being tired all the time made me cranky, and I started doubting myself as a mother and wife. Getting out of the house was a constant struggle, as I would literally cry at the thought of being in a store, or even going out with friends. There were a few occasions I went to the store, grocery list in hand, parked in the parking lot and sat there, turning around and going home without ever going in the store. To get to the store and actually shop, I was going in late evenings or early mornings. The only thing I made myself leave home for was to drive my kids to activities and take my youngest to playgroup.
With nicer weather and a very active preschooler in the house, I have been making more effort to get outside. If it were not for the kids, I would probably not leave the house. My goal in the journey is based on a number, but in the process I know that my mental health and physical health will improve dramatically.
I am doing this for me first, and as a result it will make me a better mom and wife.
Please follow along, comment, share your story, your ups and downs.
Read Other Posts About My #80lbJourney
- My 80lb Journey: the starting point to a healthier me (week 1)
- My 80lb Journey: Keep Moving (week 2)
- My 80lb Journey: Calories (week 3)